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The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
By Martin "duck gizzard" Kelner on Jun 19, 2015 - 7:07:48 PM



It started when some mild joshery, in among the bollocks that is the Piss Poor Podcast, had roly poly restaurant critic and "TV personality" Jay Rayner rushing to social media to complain that he found the Piss Poor Podcast, er, piss poor....

This is what I wrote at the time....

Here's Jay Rayner's intemperate response to Edouard LaPaglie's mildly amusing duck gizzard riff...This is a Facebook message to me from Jay Rayner, the 140 characters permitted on Twitter being entirely insufficient to express the outrage felt at the indignity he had suffered through a bit of old PPP nonsense, riffing on one of his restaurant reviews. There is a link to the clip on my F'book and on Twitter (Not any more there isn't.  You'll have to buy all 241 Podcasts & search through them all to find it.)

Here is what Jay wrote:

"And just in case you're in any doubt, I really don't have a problem with being critiqued. I've published six books all of which have been widely reviewed, sometimes well, sometimes badly. But I expect a little wit. A little in the way of smarts. Some talent. This is tragically pathetic: not just the content, but the whole small-minded, ooh aren't the French funny, petty xenophobic mind set. We're not meant to talk about provincialism these days are we, because it's condescending but fuck it, I'll make an exception for this: it really is about as small town, in-bred as it gets.

And with that, I happily remove you from my friends list."

Well, clearly it's a blow to lose a Facebook friend, but I fear Jay "I've published six books, widely reviewed" Rayner may have slightly over-reacted.

We weren't critiquing you Jay. Your restaurant reviews, beautifully written though they are, are essentially just a man describing his dinner. They are not Shakespeare. There's no critique here. We were more using them as raw material for a bit of a lark, which some people find funny, some not.

I feel, though, your sense of self-importance might have led you to miss the point. We are not making fun of the French. We know Edouard's cod French accent is atrocious, and the way he gets all the references wrong - Lionel Richie and the Hoover building and so on - is deliberately bollocks. I think it's a kind of post-modern treat, like Karl Pilkington, but I accept it's an acquired taste.

Some people do not think it's funny at all, but "small town," "in-bred," "petty xenophobic mind set," "tragically pathetic?" Over-reaction or what?

You write a telling sentence: "We're not meant to talk about provincialism these days are we, because it's condescending.."

Oh, I see, it is only political correctness that is inhibiting you from talking about how small-town and in-bred we all are, and how our Chinese restaurants don't do authentic regional dishes. Well, la di da. Tell you what, Jay, we all turn somersaults in our small-town in-bred way when you bless us by coming up here to review a restaurant in Manchester or Leeds. I am sure my friends in Bristol and Colchester feel the same.

I fear, Jay, that your current television success may have turned your head slightly, in the way described by Charlie Brooker in one of his Screenwipe shows.

I realise you are doing important sophisticated metropolitan work on The One Show, answering questions such as "How British is the great British breakfast?" while we provincials are apparently busy f**king our sisters, but it would be a real shame if you changed from a fine writer to a self-regarding knob.

(Obviously, at this distance, and having mellowed with age, I wish to retract all of the above.  It's not seemly for two Yiddisher boys to be squabbling like this)






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