We love you, The Sun, the voice of Britain
By Martin "still more or less unblemished" Kelner on Aug 24, 2012 - 7:52:32 AM
Congratulations to The Sun on their tasteful picture of a naked 27-year-old man on the front of the paper this morning. Normally I have to buy Men's Health or some other "fitness" magazine for that kind of thing.
But I should like to take issue with the complete absence of either royal meat or royal two veg in the Sun's pictures. While I personally can see enough of that kind of thing in the changing rooms at Bannantyne's gym, I feel for the people of Cornwall.
Prince Harry, as keen monarchists know, is not financed through the Civil List. He receives a soldier's pay for his military work, but the bulk of his substantial income comes from the Duchy of Cornwall.
My mathematicians have broken down the royal body into its constituent parts, and calculate that the people of Cornwall, which despite its savage beauty is one of the most economically deprived areas of Britain, are financing the royal todger to the tune of £42,500 pounds a year, with each testicle taking around £11,000 of the county's wealth. This is provable with the aid of a spreadsheet and a home computer.
For those sums, do the people of this beautiful county not deserve a peek at what they are paying for?
So come on Mebyon Kernow, and Celtic freedom fighters throughout Britain, fight for your rights.
Camborne News, Falmouth Packet, Cornish Guardian, take your lead from the Sun, but take it that important step further, and give the people of your beknighted county - and the second-home owners currently keeping your overpriced fish restaurants afloat - a shufti at the regal reproductive equipment. Who knows, it may even be possible to catch it in what the Viz Profanisaurus spookily and appropriately defines as a "naughty Nazi salute"?
Let the people of Cornwall see it. We don't know for sure, but it might just be something of which the Cornish nation can be proud.