Kelners Blog
Mike Parry - Gone But Never Forgotten
By Martin "They're not all locked up, you know" Kelner on Feb 8, 2011 - 8:15:02 PM
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Racing pigeons should sport "Colours" that would be representative of
their owners so spectators would see who each pigeon belonged to. In
order for the pigeon to win each trainer would have to sport a hat with
a platform on it and wait at the finish line. For maximum effect the
hat would be in the same colours as the pigeon and the pigeon that
landed on the correct hat would win, to add to the fun spectators could
go up in a plane and follow the race by having the plane fly alongside
the pigeons.
People in the modern age are in general much taller from when football
first started and soon we'll average 7ft in height so the height and
width of football pitch goalposts should be increased in accordance.
Humans will soon have six fingers and an extra thumb on each hand due to our increasing use of computers.
Deploy helicopters to fly behind the runners in National Hunt races and
scoop up any horse that has fallen or unseated its rider so the loose
horses can’t interfere with the rest of the field.
Have double-decker buses ferrying passengers around the course at major golf tournaments.
Novice skiers should wear flashing blue lights on their heads so that experienced skiers can avoid them.
Any player playing the Williams sisters at Wimbledon should start a set up.
Every bath in every home in the country should be removed to save water.
Arsenal have never won the Champions League because they cannot play under floodlights.
Football managers should all wear bright luminous caps and run up and down the touchline during a match.
All dogs should wear nappies.
Football players should wear lead in their boots to slow them down.
Footballers should warm up throughout the half time interval.
Motorists should turn their engines off at the top of hills and freewheel down to save the cost of expensive petrol.
It is safer to drive around towns and cities in reverse gear in the snow.
R.I.P. Mike Parry in the morning...
