Kelners Blog
How Manchester United can maximise their income
By Martin "Holding it in" Kelner on Aug 19, 2009 - 10:49:51 PM
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Let us say Old Trafford has around 76,000 seats, most of which are held by season ticket holders. Therefore - even after tonight's defeat at Burnley - there will always be 10,000 or so people who want to go to the match, but cannot because all the seats are filled.
So why not do what Cross Country trains do, and sell them tickets anyway! Hey presto!
These people could then mill around, find themselves a seat, sit in it, until someone comes and points out that they have already paid for that seat. So the person has to move, mill around some more, until by about half an hour into the match, everybody has settled down, on the floor, in the aisles, and various other uncomfortable spots.
And while we are in the business of selling seats we haven't got, why not really piss people off by giving the people who have got a cheap deal a reserved seat, and make those who have paid the full price scrabble round for a seat.
Another lead they might take from the trains is ensuring that staff in the refreshment kiosks start with no loose change, so have to make announcements asking people to bring the exact amount for any purchases. This should make half time fun.
Finally, why not replace all the old-fashioned toilets with big electronic ones with circular doors that take up about three times the space of conventional khazis, and break down on a regular basis so that there will only be one working bog in the whole fucking trai....sorry, whole stadium.
