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Bits and Pieces
If Charlie Hebdo really want to make the world a better place, they should produce funnier cartoons
The TV show Take Me Out would be more exciting if half the girls had a communicable social disease, but contestants didn't know which ones…
Prince Andrew and his mates should be put in charge of all future royal functions, guaranteeing a younger crowd at the Buckingham Palace garden party
As part of the politicians' pre-election debate on TV, there should be a swimsuit round.
There should be a waxwork of Sir Alex Ferguson in Madame Tussauds - made by immersing him in wax….
To solve their financial crisis, the Greeks should stick all the plates back together
If the clinically obese don't lose weight, they should be used for flood defences. Many are already handy for the East coast.
Eddie Redmayne & Benedict Cumberbatch should be made to wrestle naked in mud for the Oscar
Rather than give the Elgin Marbles back to Greece, we should use them to fill in the potholes on the M62
If the security services really had the good of the nation at heart, they'd hack into the Jihadists' computers, and direct them to the Big Brother house.
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