Martin Kelner Martin KELNER.com
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author and Radio Presenter.
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P P Podcast

Where's The Soap? - That's the question as PPP190 goes down the municipal slipper baths!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "side door Santa" Kelner and Edouard "I'll never get back up the chimney" LaPaglie on Dec 17, 2009 - 6:44:08 AM
Join us in a pre-Christmas frolic, as the PPP's annual trip to sample fine dining in St. James's, London, goes postal with Rosie Millard, Acker Bilk, Michael Caine and his late wife Marti, Lionel Richie, Clarence "They call me the back door Santa" Carter, Tiger Woods, and a piece of veal end up sharing the post-prandial clean-up!

Waiter, more hot towels! more - >



It's the thick, warming, country fresh goodness of PPP 189 - the annual Christmas special!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "the finest footballer of his generation" Kelner and Edouard "Don't forget all the charity work he does" LaPaglie on Dec 8, 2009 - 7:27:12 PM
....and it comes with a go-go hamster on the side (take the key out first, advises Edouard)..

Also, as a pre-Christmas treat, contrasting views of the festive season from either side of the River Styx...

.....and for lovers of pre-Beatles pop, the tinkly dinkly world of Adam Faith, Del Shannon, and Joe Meek. Dive in there bobby soxers (I know I do), and join Martin and Edouard in a land before time..

.....where they belong... more - >



PPP 188 goes down with all hands!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Ahoy there, shipmates" Kelner and Edouard "A port in every girl" LaPaglie on Dec 1, 2009 - 10:01:46 PM
I know I do!

Yes, it's dive, dive, dive, and up periscope (if you know what I am saying, missus) as Britain's two premier podcasting submariners become Jacques Cousteau for the day and join 300 scientists in a quest for the secrets of the deep.

And blow me if it's not like Finding Nemo all over the place down there...

So take big breaths ("...yeth, and I'm only thickthteen" - Arthur Askey, 1938) strap a rubber wet suit and flippers on, and join Martin and Edouard as they uncover new species by the bucket load. Alternatively, go to one of Max Moseley's parties.. more - >



Hold the front page! - PPP 187 revisits the golden days of Her Majesty's British Press.
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Il Duce" Kelner and Edouard "Hanging from a lamp-post (just like George upalonga Foreman and his ukelele and his fat-burning grill, like those guys in Peru" LaPaglie on Nov 25, 2009 - 4:04:45 PM
Yes, excitement abounds, as Edouard shouts "Boy" and the galley proofs are slipped into his in-tray (in a Lord Rothermere stylee)...

Join us in a trip down hot metal memory lane for a PPP that revives the days when newspapers ruled the roost.



This special memorial edition of the PPP comes with a deckled edge. I know I do... more - >



Billericay Dickie makes a guest appearance on PPP 186 - there are rather less than 10,000 holes in the jewel of the Essex commuter belt
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "I'm not a celebrity, but get me out of here anyway" Kelner and Edouard " ten thousand cocky roaches" LaPaglie on Nov 19, 2009 - 4:53:30 PM
The heart-stoppingly exciting story of the hole in the road in Billericay is just one of many thrilling sagas featured in Kelner's definitive round-up of the local press, as PPP 186 seeks to bolster the fortunes of this ailing sector of the media world. Next week, The Guardian.

Plus, the answer to the question almost no-one is asking this Christmas: Where can I see Duncan "Chase me" Norvelle.

And several jokes not so much stolen as "sourced" using only the finest local organic ingredients... more - >



Blast off into the incredible - PPP 185 joins the mile high club!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Free peanuts" Kelner and Edouard "Deep Veined Thrombosis (great heavy metal band) LaPaglie on Nov 10, 2009 - 7:29:00 PM
Stuff your pockets with fivers - I know I do - and enjoy the facilities on the PPP's Ryanair special, where the mile-high club means a knee-trembler and a post-coital Woodbine..

And shake off the jet lag, as Bernard Rush takes us on a spooky trip round Guffy...the most haunted town in Pennysylvania...remembering to wipe the ectoplasm off the curtains..

It's PPP 185, a magical mystery tour you will find it hard to forget...

Although it's worth making the effort.

more - >



PPP 184 goes all la-di-da - over the bonnet of a Rolls Royce with Lord Montagu
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "You can almost hear the clock ticking" Kelner and Edouard "We put in a very quiet clock" LaPaglie on Nov 3, 2009 - 4:27:38 PM
Settle yourself down brothers and sisters in the lap of luxury (I know I do), and sample the Spirit of Ecstasy as Kings of the Road Martin and Edouard take you down life's highways and by-ways, occasionally halting on the hard shoulder of humour (very occasionally) to give today's vicissitudes the gimlet.

Like AA Gill with a baboon or Rosie Millard in a Georgian terrace the p p podcast guys do not rest until every last scintilla of raw material has had the life squeezed out of it.

Feel the joy of the real leather upholstery, but don't wipe it on the antimacassar. I don't. more - >



Monkeys, micro-pigs, and gerbils - It's animal magic on PPP 182!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Bulthaup kitchen" Kelner and Edouard "stainless steel appliances" LaPaglie on Oct 22, 2009 - 12:32:08 AM
Yes, dum dum dum di dum dum dum, goes the famous Animal Magic theme tune, as we follow the Johnnie Morris and Chris Packham of podcastland as they probe the outer reaches of the animal kingdom (if you know what I'm saying, missus).

Think of the fun you could have with seven capuchin monkeys, a willing gerbil, and something eight inches long and smelling of pork - a micro-pig, the latest must-have pet ("not much meat on it," says friend of the podcast Jay Rayner)

It's all here on PPP 182, the one we thought we'd never do, but did anyway. That's how much we love you all... more - >



Screw your courage to the sticking place - Kelner and Lapaglie's reduced Shakespeare company presents Macbeth on PPP 181!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Banquo's ghost" Kelner and Edouard "Banquo's goat" LaPaglie on Oct 13, 2009 - 4:22:57 PM
Yes, GCSE and A-Level students, don't waste your money on study guides or scour the internet for learned critiques (hey, Edouard, what's the French for crtitique?), as Edouard, curious to know exactly what happened to the Prince Upalonga Denmark asks Martin for a precis (Hey, Edouard, what's th...) of the Scottish play, and is obliged with chapter and verse on the Thane of Cawdor's o'erweening ambition, right up to the point where he becomes King of Scotland and meets Idi Amin.

But it's not all about learning. Join us as we follow Lord Reith's dictum (I know I do) and educate, entertain, and inform...

It's PPP 181, the most fun you can have without laughing... more - >



Eat your heart out, Sid Waddell - It's three in a bed on PPP 180!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "No Job Too Small" Kelner and Edouard "You've tried the rest (I know I have) LaPaglie on Oct 7, 2009 - 7:01:01 PM
Yes, it's the one Phil "The Power" Taylor in his little caravan with the chemical toilet and the lady "autograph hunters" has been waiting for- ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTYYYYYY!

Britain's most indefatigable podcasters, now into their fourth year of quality podcasting bring you labial folds, bulk-mongers, and more demi-reps than you can shake a stick at......if that's your idea of a good time...

So step up to the oche, and keep your hand steady (I know I do) for what is still the funniest podcast recorded in a back bedroom in North Leeds more - >




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Latest Additions..

 P P Podcast
 Fine dining for the last time on the PPP!
 Wossy ate my podcast - an explanation
 Screen Break
 The Bus Pass Bodybuilders & Motty's Giant Sentence
 Wordy Rappinghood
 Bits and Pieces
 Jeremy Corbyn's Desert Island Discs
 Just a bit of fun! No really, just a bit of fun!
 Martin Writes..
 A little bit about me & Kingswood, Bristol
 Managers - What Are They Like? Why Antonio Conte is not Ange Postecoglou
 Kelners Blog
 My Celebrity Death Match
 A message to Philip Balmforth
 Travel
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 The Verve - arentcha sick to death of it?
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Stalkers Guide
 Keeping the meters wobbling......
 Sweary Christmas to all our readers
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 Why not save a massive 50-bob on Leeds's big value comedy-style night downstairs at the Verve wine bar, Merrion Street, Leeds, next to Mojo??
 Martins Money Saving Offers - deals at Amazon.co.uk
 Accidental Heroes
 PG Wodehouse
 Bette Davis
 All our Yesterdays
 The Enduring Delight of the Radio Show That Keeps On Giving
 My half-arsed attempt at in-play betting
 When Will I Be Famous?
 Something about Leicester that failed to make the finished book
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
 Martin's Photo Album
 Fed up with stained wash basins? The solution.
 Something for the weekend
 Martin's Links
 Smashing time
 Martin Kelner's website links