Martin Kelner Martin KELNER.com
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author and Radio Presenter.
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Kelners Blog

Keep It Light
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Knobbly Tits" Kelner on Oct 9, 2013 - 2:51:54 PM
Some of you, I feel, read these blogs in search of light - or sometimes quite dark - entertainment.  Others - and bless both of you - are genuinely interested in my brave fight against life-threatening illness.

I shall try and satisfy both audiences or, as Katharine Viner, deputy editor of The Guardian, put it in a lecture in Melbourne, "the people formerly known as the audience...."

So PFKATA, read on...


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Pissing Blood
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "anal daffodils" Kelner on Sep 18, 2013 - 10:21:48 AM
...one of the truly great 1970s punk bands, peerless exponents of psycho-garage punkabilly...
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Bedside manner or www. - Take your pick
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "I'm just going to take your bloods" Kelner on Sep 10, 2013 - 10:37:59 AM
The internet must be the bane of the consultant's life.  He tells you what he knows about your condition, based on experience, research, study, reading of medical journals in which he has often had learned articles published....
....and you think, "No, I'll go and have a look at Wikipedia.  They seem to know what they're talking about..."
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My Struggle
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "hero, schmero" Kelner on Sep 3, 2013 - 1:56:24 PM
In the week before I went into hospital I was writing like a fury, half imagining it might be my epitaph, and possibly a little bequest to my family should it get published anywhere.  I thought I might pick the story up again were I to survive the operation. 

The irony is I appear to be technically alive, but have been left with little energy to write anything (and also with a hideously saggy arse.  I now have the arse of a 104-year-old) so here's one of four chapters I sent my agent before my life-saving operation.  Have it.....
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Carry On Up The Nurse
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Nurse, he's out of his bed again" Kelner on Aug 30, 2013 - 4:49:01 PM
Well, what a surprise!  Writing as someone whose contact with hospitals has been less than minimal, imagine my surprise when the Life and Death ward at St James's Hospital turned out to be nothing like Twice Round The Daffodils, Carry On Matron, Only When I Larf, James Robertson Justice asking "What's the bleeding time?" etc. etc...

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