Martin Kelner Martin KELNER.com
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author and Radio Presenter.
Stats since 28 08 2006:

    Search for in  

  Martin Kelner
 
  P P Podcast

      Podcast Subscriptions

      Garden of Remembrance

      Podcast News

  Screen Break

  Bits and Pieces

  Martin Writes..

  Kelners Blog

  Travel

  Martin Kelner - The Man

      Contact Martin

  NEW - The Kelner Mart

  Stalkers Guide

  Martins Money Saving Tips

  Accidental Heroes

  All our Yesterdays

  When Will I Be Famous?

  Martin's Photo Album

  Martin's Links


Kelners Blog

All your questions about BT Sport answered
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "All tooled up" Kelner on May 28, 2013 - 4:51:55 PM
Here's a recent piece from the Racing Post dealing with some of the issues surrounding the launch of BT Sport....
more - >



I know nothing. No, really. Nothing
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "the klutz's klutz" Kelner on Mar 31, 2013 - 9:40:46 PM
Every Tuesday I write a column for the Racing Post.  In my first column, on January 8th., 2013, I explained to readers that, unlike the rest of the paper, bursting with information for the gambling community, my column would be of no financial benefit whatsoever.  Quite the reverse.  Pricewise I am not...
more - >



We love you, The Sun, the voice of Britain
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "still more or less unblemished" Kelner on Aug 24, 2012 - 7:52:32 AM
At last, those of us too lazy to click on links on the Internet, see the amazing Prince Harry pictures...
more - >



The Voice of the People - Richard Bacon's Chart The Week
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Classic Same Day Booking" Kelner on Dec 31, 2011 - 5:36:43 PM
Chart The Week is a regular Thursday feature on Richard Bacon's award-winning afternoon show on BBC Radio Five Live (actually I'm not sure it has won an award, but if not, it can surely only be a matter of time.  And anyway, what about those barely edible "award-winning" Cornish pasties you get at mainline railway stations?  Anybody seen any of their so-called awards?)  Award winning it is, then.  Mazeltov Richard.  Now read on....
more - >



Parky got off lightly
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "I'll have a P please Bob" Kelner on Aug 7, 2011 - 5:22:50 PM
On BBC Five Live's Fighting Talk on Saturday Aug 6th, I launched into a coruscating attack on revered chat show host Michael Parkinson, but because of time issues, to the disappointment of the nation I was cut short.  In response to more than no tweets asking for the completion of the Any Other Business rant, here it is...... 
more - >



Mike Parry - Gone But Never Forgotten
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "They're not all locked up, you know" Kelner on Feb 8, 2011 - 8:15:02 PM
So farewell then, Mike Parry, who leaves the truck drivers, kitchen fitters, and cab drivers of Britain bereft as he leaves Talksport's morning show to make way for Sky refugees Richard Keys and Andy Gray.

Here, courtesy of the Digital Spy radio forum, are some examples of the wit and wisdom the nation will miss.

Here are some of Mike's ideas over the years....

Have a National Guard made up of farmers armed with shotguns who could hunt down anyone who goes on a rampage with firearms.

Fit wing mirrors on racehorses to prevent collisions during a race.

Put ejector seats in Formula One cars.

Someone one day will complete the 100 metres track race in one second.

Professional golf tournaments should have transparent bullet proof protected walkways to prevent a golfer from being shot dead.

There should be shops that sell individual shoes for people with only one leg as it was unfair on them having to buy a pair.

                                          **************

But wait, there's more, starting with a personal favourite; how to bring the crowds back to pigeon racing, as heard on the Piss Poor Podcast...
more - >



How Long Before Michael McIntyre is Prime Minister?
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Can I be your press secretary?" Kelner on Feb 2, 2011 - 1:30:08 PM
Number Ten may be the last bastion left to fall, given the ubiquity of stand-up comedians in the media today. It may be impossible to produce any TV programme involving discussion/chat these days without the presence of a stand-up.

This thought occurred the other morning watching a book programme on Channel 4 (presented by Ade Edmonson and Jo Brand) doing a feature on Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's.  Who better to enlighten us on this novella than Lucy Porter and Ronnie Ancona?  Both fine stand-up/comedy performers, but does a brace of comedians booked to discuss Capote indicate clever booking or lazy booking?

The question struck me as particularly pertinent, having just come from a radio studio where The Wright Stuff had been playing mutely in the background, and I recognised the face of Zoe Lyons, discussing the issues of the day, presumably because Sarah Millican was already booked to discuss the issues of the day on Loose Women.

Please do not misinterpret this.  Some of my best friends are stand-ups.  In fact, a lot of my best friends are stand-ups, and I absolutely appreciate the hard yards they put in writing their stuff - the endless agonising about whether the word 'haddock,' say, is funnier than 'mackerel' - and then performing it up and down the country, occasionally to unreceptive/blind drunk audiences.  The best ones add to the gaiety of nations.        

But, consider this.  If you wanted to produce a documentary about the Middle East, do you think you would have more chance getting it commissioned, fronted by Robert Fisk or Shappi Khorsandi?

And then there is advertising.....   
more - >



Dundee, prepare to greet a beacon of democracy!
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "the Robespierre de nos jours" Kelner on Sep 1, 2009 - 10:51:46 PM
Kelner and LaPaglie's semi-humorous podcast is now into its fourth free and unfettered year, as Britain's veteran podcasters resist all offers to sell out to major media organisations. Or would, if we ever got any.

But frankly we never thought of the PPP as a standard-bearer for free speech and political awareness.

Until I received the following unexpected request from the fine University of Dundee.... more - >



Just one letter from being famous
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Nick Jagger" Kelner on Aug 25, 2009 - 8:25:03 AM
My friend Simon Jose has a bizarre form of word blindness. He gets one letter wrong in virtually every famous person's name...

Last week he said to me he'd just seen a film starring Will Farrell. He then went on to say he enjoyed the old British comedies with Alex Guinness (No Simon, Alex Feguson, ALEC Guinness), and went on to his coup de grace: "I love that Welsh comedian...Rob whatsisname..." "Rob Brydon," I said..."No, not him," said an irritated Simon. "That his name," I said, "Rob Brydon." "No," said Simon, "The other guy, Rob Gilbert."

It's a game the whole family can play....

more - >



How Manchester United can maximise their income
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Holding it in" Kelner on Aug 19, 2009 - 10:49:51 PM
I have just travelled back from Edinburgh to Wakefield on the Arriva Cross Country train from Edinburgh Waverley to Bristol Temple Meads, and it occurred to me that if United were to adopt the Arriva Cross Country business model, they could make much more money. Like this.... more - >




---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ----------
Latest Additions..

 P P Podcast
 Are You Eligible For A Refund of PPI? If so, why not splash it out on PPP?
 The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
 Screen Break
 The rise and rise of football - the history of it.
 The Pitch-Side Pantomime
 Bits and Pieces
 Want To Be A Radio Star?
 Jeremy Corbyn's Desert Island Discs
 Martin Writes..
 The Story of the Piss Poor Podcast
 Hurrah, I'm an entrepreneur
 Kelners Blog
 My Sacking, and a Plausible Plan for BBC Local Radio
 My Celebrity Death Match
 Travel
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 The Verve - arentcha sick to death of it?
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Stalkers Guide
 Keeping the meters wobbling......
 Sweary Christmas to all our readers
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 Why not save a massive 50-bob on Leeds's big value comedy-style night downstairs at the Verve wine bar, Merrion Street, Leeds, next to Mojo??
 Martins Money Saving Offers - deals at Amazon.co.uk
 Accidental Heroes
 PG Wodehouse
 Bette Davis
 All our Yesterdays
 The Enduring Delight of the Radio Show That Keeps On Giving
 My half-arsed attempt at in-play betting
 When Will I Be Famous?
 Something about Leicester that failed to make the finished book
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
 Martin's Photo Album
 Fed up with stained wash basins? The solution.
 Something for the weekend
 Martin's Links
 Smashing time
 Martin Kelner's website links