Martin Kelner Martin KELNER.com
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author and Radio Presenter.
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P P Podcast

Are You Eligible For A Refund of PPI? If so, why not splash it out on PPP?
P P Podcast > Podcast Subscriptions
Posted by Martin "the entrepreneurial spirit lives on" Kelner on Mar 31, 2016 - 4:15:34 PM
Hi suckers! Here's an opportunity you'd be mad to miss....
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The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "duck gizzard" Kelner on Jun 19, 2015 - 7:07:48 PM
 See above for your link to Piss Poor Podcast 241, the very last PPP ever.  Meanwhile, enjoy your opportunity to revisit the twitter spat between the PPP and Jay Rayner, recently reheated on Facebook, by BBC colleague Rob Lawrence, who I assume must have had some less than agreeable encounter with chunky knife & fork wielder Jay Rayner...

Now read on....
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Fine dining for the last time on the PPP!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "razor clam" Kelner and Edouard "lobster quadrille" LaPaglie on Aug 28, 2010 - 12:33:16 AM
For the final time, the epicures' podcast of choice goes in search of gourmet food in the company of some of Britain's top restaurant critics, and Jay Rayner.  Our valedictory restaurant review sees the great Lucas Hollweg, pinch-hitting for A A Gill in search of surf and turf at Redhook in London's almost fashionable Farringdon...
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Wossy ate my podcast - an explanation
P P Podcast > Podcast News
Posted by Martin "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" Kelner on Aug 27, 2010 - 2:10:09 PM
There's a very grave danger that I might turn sincere here, which after four or more years of p1ss taking on the PPP will be a shock to everyone's system, not least my own. 

But - here goes, and I mean this most sincerely folks, as Paula Yates's dad used to say - I should like to thank every single subscriber to the podcast, even the ones who have dropped off (I know I have) over the years.  Your support has really been appreciated, and I am most dreadfully sorry it has to end here - for the time being, at least.    

I am frankly amazed that between two and three hundred of you have, at various times paid a pound a week for our low-quality comedy-style outpourings, given the wealth of material available for free on the internet, and the demands on your comedy purse in these difficult times etc. etc.  Certainly, if Edouard had not spent so much of the funds on booze and hand-jobs (the rest he just frittered away), I should be a wealthy man now.

Thanks again all of you.  We remain overwhelmed and humbled by your unwavering support.  We really do. 

And to those of you who never subscribed, on va dire "F*ck them!" 
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They Think It's All Over (I know I am) - It is now on valedictory PPP 226
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "226 not out" Kelner and Edouard "Say goodnight Dick" LaPaglie on Aug 27, 2010 - 6:41:02 AM
This is the way the world ends, wrote friend of the Podcast T.S.Eliot, not with a bang but a whimper.

In the final-ever podcast - for the time being - loyal subscribers who have stuck with it for nearly four years in the hope that it might become funny are rewarded with nearly two hours of comedy-style material, the longest, pissest, and poorest PPP ever...

Hasta la vista baby...

But fret not; Samaritans have opened up a special telephone helpline to counsel those of you affected by issues raised by the ending of the PPP..

As for us, we're outta here!
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The Piss Poor Garden of Remembrance
P P Podcast > Garden of Remembrance
Posted by Edouard 'gravedigger' Lapaglie on Aug 26, 2010 - 11:17:48 PM
This way please to leave your tribute to the PPP .....
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Piss Poor Podcast - In Memoriam
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "with a tear in either eye" Kelner on Aug 26, 2010 - 11:02:24 PM
Lest we forget...Here's a petit gout
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Smother yourself in the fragrance of PPP 225 - it's the scent of a woman (if you know what I'm saying)
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Hai Karate" Kelner and Edouard "splash it on all over (I know I do)" LaPaglie on Aug 18, 2010 - 5:40:13 PM
Yes, once more Britain's longest running poor quality podcast breaks new ground, with an experiment in smellopod.

Forget 3D, this is the new technology they'll all be talking about in the future

...and you don't even have to scratch and sniff! (although you can if you want)...as we bring you the new perfume that claims to replicate the smell of femininity....

So big breaths (yeth doctor, and i'm only thickthteen)....inhale deeply, and treat your nostrils to the great smell of PPP 225!
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PPP 224 plumbs the depths - No change there then..
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "jumbo haddock" Kelner and Edouard "saveloy on the side" LaPaglie on Aug 11, 2010 - 5:26:15 PM
Yes, it's a fishy business all right, as we trawl the ocean's delights, from the Mekong catfish to the Chinese eel with a taste for fishmonger's bottom.  But if he will insist on monging fish, what does he expect, we have to ask, as we pass on the wisdom acquired over more than 200 podcasts: 

Don't, he might bite you!

Instead get your fangs into Britain's finest blend of expertly filleted jokes (punchlines removed), and pointless anecdotes as they dribble down the bottom of the aquarium.  Mushy peas etc.
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Are those airline peanuts in your hand or are you just pleased to see me? - PPP 223 tackles the big questions.
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "extra leg room" Kelner and Edouard "Snakes on a Plane" LaPaglie on Aug 4, 2010 - 6:13:08 PM
Join Martin and Edouard on Southwest Airlines Flight 228, as the passenger in aisle seat 23D puts the tiny little tissue you get underneath your complimentary gin and tonic to non-standard use...

Plus, in a strictly David Attenborough stylee we follow Kesho the gorilla from Dublin to London as he seeks to provide solace to three bereaved females, later quoted as saying he "wasn't all that," as they enjoyed a post-coital cup of tea..

It's a primate among podcasts...so dip your bread.. 
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Latest Additions..

 P P Podcast
 Are You Eligible For A Refund of PPI? If so, why not splash it out on PPP?
 The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
 Screen Break
 The rise and rise of football - the history of it.
 The Pitch-Side Pantomime
 Bits and Pieces
 Want To Be A Radio Star?
 Jeremy Corbyn's Desert Island Discs
 Martin Writes..
 The Story of the Piss Poor Podcast
 Hurrah, I'm an entrepreneur
 Kelners Blog
 My Sacking, and a Plausible Plan for BBC Local Radio
 My Celebrity Death Match
 Travel
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 The Verve - arentcha sick to death of it?
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Stalkers Guide
 Keeping the meters wobbling......
 Sweary Christmas to all our readers
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 Why not save a massive 50-bob on Leeds's big value comedy-style night downstairs at the Verve wine bar, Merrion Street, Leeds, next to Mojo??
 Martins Money Saving Offers - deals at Amazon.co.uk
 Accidental Heroes
 PG Wodehouse
 Bette Davis
 All our Yesterdays
 The Enduring Delight of the Radio Show That Keeps On Giving
 My half-arsed attempt at in-play betting
 When Will I Be Famous?
 Something about Leicester that failed to make the finished book
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
 Martin's Photo Album
 Fed up with stained wash basins? The solution.
 Something for the weekend
 Martin's Links
 Smashing time
 Martin Kelner's website links