Kelners Blog
My Celebrity Death Match
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "winning" Kelner on Dec 20, 2015 - 8:00:36 AM
RIP Jimmy Hill. Mixed feelings.
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A message to Philip Balmforth
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "condensed milk" Kelner on Apr 10, 2014 - 9:25:25 PM
I got the following message via this web site from one Philip Balmforth:
"As a Radio Leeds listener, Where are you? you are missing
from Radio Leeds and have not updated your 'blog' for ages"
As this Balmforth seems to be taking my absence somewhat personally, and has bravely identified himself as a Radio Leeds listener, I feel the least I can do is respond....
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Being Mistaken for one of the more famous Kel(l)ners
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "No job too small" Kelner on Mar 9, 2014 - 6:51:48 PM
Here's a piece from the Racing Post, March 4th., 2014, about how I backed a 28-1 winner, and how I was mistaken for someone much cleverer and more famous....
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Keep It Light
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Knobbly Tits" Kelner on Oct 9, 2013 - 2:51:54 PM
Some of you, I feel, read these blogs in search of light - or sometimes quite dark - entertainment. Others - and bless both of you - are genuinely interested in my brave fight against life-threatening illness.
I shall try and satisfy both audiences or, as Katharine Viner, deputy editor of The Guardian, put it in a lecture in Melbourne, "the people formerly known as the audience...."
So PFKATA, read on...
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Pissing Blood
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "anal daffodils" Kelner on Sep 18, 2013 - 10:21:48 AM
...one of the truly great 1970s punk bands, peerless exponents of psycho-garage punkabilly...
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Bedside manner or www. - Take your pick
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "I'm just going to take your bloods" Kelner on Sep 10, 2013 - 10:37:59 AM
The internet must be the bane of the consultant's life. He tells you what he knows about your condition, based on experience, research, study, reading of medical journals in which he has often had learned articles published....
....and you think, "No, I'll go and have a look at Wikipedia. They seem to know what they're talking about..."
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My Struggle
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "hero, schmero" Kelner on Sep 3, 2013 - 1:56:24 PM
In the week before I went into hospital I was writing like a fury, half imagining it might be my epitaph, and possibly a little bequest to my family should it get published anywhere. I thought I might pick the story up again were I to survive the operation.
The irony is I appear to be technically alive, but have been left with little energy to write anything (and also with a hideously saggy arse. I now have the arse of a 104-year-old) so here's one of four chapters I sent my agent before my life-saving operation. Have it.....
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Carry On Up The Nurse
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "Nurse, he's out of his bed again" Kelner on Aug 30, 2013 - 4:49:01 PM
Well, what a surprise! Writing as someone whose contact with hospitals has been less than minimal, imagine my surprise when the Life and Death ward at St James's Hospital turned out to be nothing like Twice Round The Daffodils, Carry On Matron, Only When I Larf, James Robertson Justice asking "What's the bleeding time?" etc. etc...
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All your questions about BT Sport answered
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "All tooled up" Kelner on May 28, 2013 - 4:51:55 PM
Here's a recent piece from the Racing Post dealing with some of the issues surrounding the launch of BT Sport....
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I know nothing. No, really. Nothing
Kelners Blog
Posted by Martin "the klutz's klutz" Kelner on Mar 31, 2013 - 9:40:46 PM
Every Tuesday I write a column for the Racing Post. In my first column, on January 8th., 2013, I explained to readers that, unlike the rest of the paper, bursting with information for the gambling community, my column would be of no financial benefit whatsoever. Quite the reverse. Pricewise I am not...
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