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Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author and Radio Presenter.
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Go placidly and discover what joy there can be in silence - yes, it's PPP 119!
Piss Poor Podcast
Posted by Martin "Child of the Universe" Kelner and Edouard "Good Morning Starshine" LaPaglie on Jul 23, 2008 - 10:53:07 PM

Ant and Dec, eat your little Geordie hearts out - Britain's longest -running competition continues, and still no prizes are given out. Ofcom, the Performing Rights Society, and the War Crimes Tribunal step in to end the PPP Prize Draw suffering.

Also, the latest sensation in intimate entertainment from the Far East, as an aerosol spray is put to an unconventional use.

And sophisticated Australian wit from Kevin Bloody Wilson. As if.

So tuck in, tell your friends, subscribe, and wallow in a positive humour-fest!




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A smacked bottom and a plate of Bourbon biscuits - just the job for Max Mosley
Screen Break
Posted by Martin "Pass the fig rolls and the gimp mask" Kelner on Jul 17, 2008 - 7:16:55 PM

After an evening of Teutonic-flavoured sado-masochism, the boss of Formula One and his lady friends liked nothing better than to settle down with a cup of Earl Grey and a nice selection of biscuits...
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It goes in dry and comes out wet - it's PPP 118, a great steaming teabag of a podcast!!
Piss Poor Podcast
Posted by Martin "Tetley's diddle iddle dee" Kelner and Mr "Punjana" Methane on Jul 17, 2008 - 6:04:36 AM

Yes, tastebuds ready, seekers after humour, for a delicate infusion of Lapsang Souchong ("Isn't that a dog?" - Ed..."You haven't heard it yet" - MK) as teabag expert and full-time flatulist Mr Methane takes over sidekick duties from the crypto-Frenchman....

Listen out for the flatulent son of Macclesfield's appearance on 96FM's breakfast show in London, Ontario..

...and some of the strangest radio commercials you will ever hear.

Grab yourself a ringside seat, comedy fans, and tuck in!



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It's the Sound of Summer - Wax down your woody - if you know what I'm saying missus - for PPP 117
Piss Poor Podcast
Posted by Martin "gimp mask" Kelner and Edouard "fur-lined handcuffs" Lapaglie on Jul 10, 2008 - 9:15:24 PM

It's the quintessential sound of an English summer - the babble of a brook, the mellifluous twitter of the songbirds in the bushes, and the comforting thwack of willow against Max Mosley's backside.

Yes, fans, kit yourself out in the latest from Marks and Spencer's Third Reich range and go tripping down the stairs to a Chelsea basement as we bring you the latest from the High Court in the libel case of the century.

Also join us to salute sport's motormouth, Mike Parry...

And thrill to news of the latest in constipation cures..

Altogether now: squeeeeeeeeeeeze!



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Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
NEW - The Kelner Mart
Posted by Martin 'Money Saver' Kelner and Edouard 'Tightwad' Lapaglie on Jul 9, 2008 - 12:42:16 PM

ONLY AVAILABLE AT MARTINKELNER.COM

OFFER 1 - 4GB MEMORY SCHTICK
Product: 4Gb pen drive with OVER 110 podcasts loaded - just £24.99 inc post, packing and VAT!
Product Code: PPP4GB
£24.99 inc P&P


OFFER 2 PISS POOR DVD
Product: DVD disk with OVER 110 podcasts pre recorded - just £9.99 inc post, packing and VAT!
Product Code: PPPDVD
£9.99 inc P&P


SUBSCRIPTIONS - SUBSCRIPTIONS - SUBSCRIPTIONS

OFFER 3 - PISS POOR PODCAST SUBSCRIPTION - pay via PayPal

£5.00 per 5 weeks


OFFER 3 - PISS POOR PODCAST SUBSCRIPTION - pay via Google Checkout

£5.00 per 5 weeks
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Save £££s - Kelner Comes To The Rescue in These Difficult Times!
Martins Money Saving Tips
Posted by Martin "Counting The Pennies" Kelner on Jul 2, 2008 - 11:18:20 PM

Yes, here at the headquarters of the PPP we are suffering too. We feel your pain. So here are two great new money-saving winners for you:

Enjoy the music of Scouting For Girls but can't afford to buy/download their brand new single?

Well, here's a great idea; just listen to the old one, it's exactly the bloody same!

Hey, and here's another great tip for you...read on..




Product: DVD disk with OVER 110 podcasts pre recorded

Product Code: PPPDVD

Quantity: £9.99 inc. P&P, VAT & jiffy bag





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Careful, piss poor paying punters - PPP 116 is a positive fugu of a podcast, full of deadly toxins!
Piss Poor Podcast
Posted by Martin "sushi" Kelner and Edouard "have you taken all the bones out?" LaPaglie on Jul 2, 2008 - 10:32:26 PM

....including Edouard's outrageously lengthy explanation of why you won't like Wednesdays, taking in Arthur Conan Upalonga Doyle, the order of St Bartholomew of Chwaaah, and fun in a barrel...

*plus: why men have nipples

*llamas on the loose in the land of double strength skunk

*and join us on a jolly Japanese school jaunt, to watch whales being slaughtered...

Tuck in: it's fun for all the family.



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Back on Real Radio - for one day only!
Stalkers Guide
Posted by Martin "I'm back and this time it's personal" Kelner on Jul 2, 2008 - 10:30:00 PM

Real Radio is taking all its presenters out for a slap up meal and a night on the p*ss, the only circumstances under which our hero would get to present one of their most prestigious shows. As a result, you can hear Kelner on Real Radio on Tues July 22nd., 106 to 108FM, 4pm to 8pm...

Also look out for radio column in Guardian Media, Mon July 21st,

....and don't forget the big Edinburgh preview show, An Audience With Mr Methane, Thurs July 31st, 8pm, Original Oak, Headingley, Leeds
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Latest Additions..

 Piss Poor Podcast
 Go placidly and discover what joy there can be in silence - yes, it's PPP 119!
 It goes in dry and comes out wet - it's PPP 118, a great steaming teabag of a podcast!!
 Martins Newsletter
 Sign up for the Martin Kelner Newsletter
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 Contact Martin by email....
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Your chance to honour a radio legend!
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 Save £££s - Kelner Comes To The Rescue in These Difficult Times!
 Ed's Energy Saving tip of the week - take a candle up to bed with you..
 Stalkers Guide
 Back on Real Radio - for one day only!
 Pleased To Meet You - A Chance to Listen Again!
 Screen Break
 A smacked bottom and a plate of Bourbon biscuits - just the job for Max Mosley
 Bruno - Not bonkers, but unhinged enough to do panto in Saffron Walden!
 All our Yesterdays
 The genius of Peter Cook
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 Culture lovers awake! An Audience With Mr Methane heralds the return of highbrow entertainment to the Edinburgh Festival.
 Piss Poor Podcast soars into the Top Five!
 When Will I Be Famous?
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
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 Something for the weekend
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 Martin's Links
 Martin Kelner's website links
 Travel
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
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 End of the road - One of Britain's best-loved TV stars reflects on life and loss.

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