Martin Kelner Martin
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author, Podcaster and Radio Presenter.
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Is this the end of Rico?
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "off into the sunset" Kelner & Edouard "retirement home" LaPaglie on Jun 19, 2015 - 7:48:33 PM

Fuck knows, but it is the end for the Piss Poor Podcast. 

241 episodes, and never knowingly funny. 

For the terminally desperate, somewhere on this site - the Kelner Mart - there is the opportunity to obtain all 241. 


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The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "duck gizzard" Kelner on Jun 19, 2015 - 7:07:48 PM

See above for your link to Piss Poor Podcast 241, the very last PPP ever.  Meanwhile, enjoy your opportunity to revisit the twitter spat between the PPP and Jay Rayner, recently reheated on Facebook, by BBC colleague Rob Lawrence, who I assume must have had some less than agreeable encounter with chunky knife & fork wielder Jay Rayner...

Now read on....

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Reinventing Yesterday
Screen Break
Posted by Martin "channel flipper" Kelner on May 31, 2015 - 3:56:13 PM

Here's Mail On Sunday piece on the F.A.Cup build-up on the BBC....
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God's Waiting Room
Martin Writes..
Posted by Martin "better now, thanks" Kelner on May 4, 2015 - 3:16:53 PM

I'm almost completely recovered now after surgery to remove what we doctors call 'a big fuck-off abdominal sarcoma,' thanks to the skill of the consultants, and the brilliant care of the NHS, for which I shall forever be grateful...

However, in the early days of this shit storm, as the sarcoma grew, & following a pretty gloomy prognosis, misfortune piled upon misfortune.  First my car was stolen, then a pen burst in my pocket. 

That might seem trivial, but it convinced me that some higher power - which I don't believe in anyway - was fucking with my head. 

I wrote a few pieces charting progress while I was convalescing following what turned out to be successful surgery, which you can find on here somewhere, but  in the vain hope that anybody's the slightest bit interested, here are  a couple of bits I never published....

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Saturday Night Frank
Screen Break
Posted by Martin "Super" Kelner on Apr 26, 2015 - 10:06:03 AM

It's just possible I may return to writing a regular column about sport on TV, on the lines of the one I used to write which was much loved by Guardian readers, and largely ignored by Racing Post readers.

Whether this becomes a regular thing depends on two key questions...

(a) if I can be arsed

(b) if I can find a way to monetize it

Meanwhile, have this one for free.  It's about ITV's new "super" Saturday...
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Screen Break extra - BBC v ITV on Sat April 18, 2015
Screen Break
Posted by Martin "channel flipper in hand" Kelner on Apr 20, 2015 - 5:18:17 PM

I don't often get to write about sport on TV these days, but on Sat April 18, I got an email from the Mail On Sunday to ask if I would watch the two matches on TV that evening and write about the battle between the BBC, showing the FA Cup tie, and Sky, which had the Chelsea - Man U Premier League match.

Because of the very tight deadline, it was butchered somewhat to fit the space.  Entirely understandable, but the result was that the one decent joke in the piece got lost.  See if you can spot it....
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Just a bit of fun! No really, just a bit of fun!
Bits and Pieces
Posted by Martin "there goes the MBE" Kelner on Jan 19, 2015 - 8:27:00 PM

It's the game the whole family can play. 

The following statements are indefensible.  Why not give yourself 20 seconds at home and see if you can defend them.

(oh, by the way, it's just a bit of fun) 
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End of a (mini) Era
Screen Break
Posted by Martin "Can you help, I'm just 60p short of my train fare home" Kelner on Jan 3, 2015 - 7:10:30 PM

The last Screen Break column I did for The Guardian was at the end of 2012.  Almost immediately I got a call from Bruce Millington, the editor of the Racing Post, who asked me if I'd like to write for them....

Not being inundated with offers at the time, I was happy to accept the gig, which I did for exactly two years. 

Now read on.....
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Latest Additions..

 P P Podcast
 Is this the end of Rico?
 The day we said to TV Personality and celebrity trougher Jay Rayner, "Whoah there Jay, get over yourself"
 Screen Break
 Reinventing Yesterday
 Saturday Night Frank
 Bits and Pieces
 Just a bit of fun! No really, just a bit of fun!
 Your Chance To Be On The Radio
 Martin Writes..
 God's Waiting Room
 The better's dilemma
 Kelners Blog
 A message to Philip Balmforth
 Being Mistaken for one of the more famous Kel(l)ners
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 The Verve - arentcha sick to death of it?
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Stalkers Guide
 Keeping the meters wobbling......
 Sweary Christmas to all our readers
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 Why not save a massive 50-bob on Leeds's big value comedy-style night downstairs at the Verve wine bar, Merrion Street, Leeds, next to Mojo??
 Martins Money Saving Offers - deals at
 Accidental Heroes
 Martin visits the jewel of the Essex coast, Frinton - and finds Freddie "Mr Parrot Face" Davies
 PG Wodehouse
 All our Yesterdays
 The Enduring Delight of the Radio Show That Keeps On Giving
 My half-arsed attempt at in-play betting
 When Will I Be Famous?
 Something about Leicester that failed to make the finished book
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
 Martin's Photo Album
 Fed up with stained wash basins? The solution.
 Something for the weekend
 Martin's Links
 Smashing time
 Martin Kelner's website links