Martin Kelner Martin KELNER.com
Martin Kelner, Journalist, Author, Podcaster and Radio Presenter.
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v 2010 01
Pass the bucket from the left-hand side - Kelner in five hour radio show shocker!
Stalkers Guide
Posted by Martin "the prostate's sending a message" Kelner on Feb 3, 2010 - 5:17:20 PM

This weekend - Feb 6th and 7th - Kelner will be presenting the (very) early breakfast show or the very late late show (your choice) on Talksport, Britain's foremost repository of red-hot soccer chat and people in vans 'phoning in with their deeply held, but invariably wrong-headed convictions.

The show runs from 1am to 6am, which is clearly madness at my time of life, altho negotiations with Sky news are underway for a six-minute news bulletin at the top of the hour during which I shall be pissing like a horse...

Now read on.....
more - >



PPP 197 comes with crushed nuts - (All together now) I know I do!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Chocolate flake" Kelner and Edouard "Peppermint twist" LaPaglie on Feb 3, 2010 - 4:46:51 PM

Mamma mia, join Martini and Edouardo in the Italian town of Bologna, as they investigate the world of gelato.

Don'ta knock, jussa come inside (I know I do) as we probe Italy's University of Ice Cream. It's a real scoop (scoop, geddit?).

And gasp at Edouard's new found political correctness as he resists the joke beginning "How do you grease the wheels of your truck?"

There's a real Neapolitan flavour to PPP 197. Magnifico!
more - >



PPP 196 celebrates the arrival of Chris Evans on the Radio Two Breakfast Show
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "DNA results" Kelner and Edouard "let's bring Tracy out" LaPaglie on Jan 27, 2010 - 4:12:21 PM

Following representations from the BBC who felt the new cuddly Chris Evans show had not been publicised enough, PPP 196 agreed to use some of its valuable airtime to give a boost to this hilarious and exciting new programme, which may have escaped your attention. Strap yourself in punters for the low-down on one of Britain's premier ginger broadcasters.

Plus, in further broadcasting news, Jeremy Kyle is taking his uplifting socially responsible show to America. But fear not, lovers of truth, sensitively handled, it will still be available here in the UK too.

Meanwhile, away from media news, PPP 196 is packed with down-to-earth country-fresh goodness. Now read on.....
more - >



When was the last time you had impala head? - tuck into PPP 195 for a feast from the Veld!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Heinz 500gm Squeezy" Kelner and Edouard "old fashioned glass bottle" LaPaglie on Jan 21, 2010 - 4:12:24 PM

...and leave the eyes in, we want it to see us through the week.

Yes, it's a South Africa special, as Edouard and Martin put on their protective stab vest, grab a handful of biltong (if you know what I'm saying, missus), and go yomping across the Veld for a look ahead to World Cup 2010 with Alan Mullery, Garth Crooks, and four or five of President Jacob Zuma's best wives...

Plus

Edouard unveils a brand new catchphrase (sort of)
more - >



The Great Skegness Shed Scandal Uncovered on PPP 194!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "Help Yourself" Kelner and Edouard "Why, why, why, Delila?" LaPaglie on Jan 14, 2010 - 4:28:33 PM

Once more Britain's foremost repository of the news the world needs to know has its finger right on the pulse of the nub. ("I know mine is," writes M.Edouard LaPaglie, of no fixed accent), as we traverse Lincolnshire's premier sh1thole on the trail of trimmers, strimmers, and rimmers.

Plus...

Hold tight epicures, as we get our laughing tackle round a beautifully nutty and well-seasoned crust - if you know what I'm saying, missus.

Still not subscribing? You're a fool to yourself, and I refer you to the answer given by Tom Hicks Jr to a disgruntled Liverpool football fan...
more - >



It's PPP 193 - New Year, same old rubbish!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "A3" Kelner and Edouard "pull-out supplement" LaPaglie on Jan 6, 2010 - 4:05:34 PM

Well, not entirely.

Martin and Edouard welcome the new decade with at least two brand new slots - the Cheeky C**t feature, and an exclusive worldwide round-up of underwear thefts across the globe...("You won't find this sh1t on Reutarse," writes one bogarse French critic)...

So beat the freeze with the warming broth of PPP 193, now with added humour. And barley.
more - >



My postillion has been hit by lightning - Oy gewalt, it's an incendiary start to 2010 on PPP 192!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "first footer" Kelner and Edouard "left footer" LaPaglie on Dec 28, 2009 - 10:57:01 PM

As 2009 limps to an end - I know I do - and 2010 waits in the wings with all its threatened woes, why not end the year with a hearty dose of laughter? Alternatively, get stuck into the variable joys of PPP 192.

Horses, giant squid, and baboons feature in every animal lover's favourite podcast. So shimmy up to your chosen quadruped, give it the old Hi-yo Silver, and celebrate together another year of the world's funniest podcast produced by two guys in a back bedroom in North Leeds.

But be careful, he might bite you...
more - >



It's PPP191, a Christmas Gift To You - in a Phil Spector stylee!
P P Podcast
Posted by Martin "this one's on me" Kelner and Edouard "completement magnanimarse" LaPaglie on Dec 23, 2009 - 4:36:14 PM

.....but without the dead body, and the legions of hot-shot L.A. lawyers trying to prevent justice being done

Yes, come one, come all (I know I do)... and take advantage of our open source podcast, free at the point of delivery!

It's the Christmas gift that goes on giving..80 minutes (count 'em) of stories without punch lines, irrelevant interruptions, politically incorrect ranting, and accents such as you will never hear anywhere else on earth..
more - >



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Latest Additions..

 P P Podcast
 PPP 197 comes with crushed nuts - (All together now) I know I do!
 PPP 196 celebrates the arrival of Chris Evans on the Radio Two Breakfast Show
 Martins Money Saving Tips
 SKYPE - Free to download, free calls, free video chat
 Napster - still going is it? Aiyeee... Says Edouard
 Kelners Blog
 Dundee, prepare to greet a beacon of democracy!
 Just one letter from being famous
 Martins Newsletter
 Sign up for the Martin Kelner Newsletter
 Martin Kelner - The Man
 Martin Kelner - One Man and His Trousers
 Contact Martin by email....
 NEW - The Kelner Mart
 Martins Money Saving Offers at the Kelner Mart...
 Stalkers Guide
 Pass the bucket from the left-hand side - Kelner in five hour radio show shocker!
 Stalkers - You'll find me in the Co-op, looking at the cheese, and pricing up fig rolls!
 Screen Break
 A smacked bottom and a plate of Bourbon biscuits - just the job for Max Mosley
 Bruno - Not bonkers, but unhinged enough to do panto in Saffron Walden!
 Accidental Heroes
 Martin visits the jewel of the Essex coast, Frinton - and finds Freddie "Mr Parrot Face" Davies
 PG Wodehouse
 All our Yesterdays
 The genius of Peter Cook
 The Golden Shot
 Bits and Pieces
 They're hiring on Letterman
 An Audience With Mr Methane - The Hour Approaches!
 When Will I Be Famous?
 When Will I Be Famous - Order Now!!
 WWIBF unpugged
 Martin's Photo Album
 Something for the weekend
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin's Links
 Follow the frog on Twitter
 Martin Kelner's website links
 Travel
 Kelner learns how to be funny on stand-up comedy course!
 Martin in Minnesota - in the footsteps of Bob Dylan
 Martin Writes..
 COMEDY / Holiday on dry ice: Martin Kelner on Billy Connolly
 The late great Humphrey Lyttleton

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